GROW!

Be careful what you pray for.

Seriously.

Husband prayed last year for patience and endurance.  I know that I learned both of those through my pregnancy.  And I'm continually learning them through motherhood.

I tend to pray for growth.  He sure is growing me.  I feel stretched to the limit, for sure!  But, then as I think about it, life would be boring if we weren't growing.  If we never had to rise up against new challenges, or take on new responsibilities.  That's how God is growing me.  Responsibilities.  A youth group and a baby, He's trusted me with both at the same time.  With His precious children.  He obviously thinks that I can handle it.  But it is taking some growth and stretching on my part to be able to handle all this the way He wants. 

So, the lesson I learned today, if I don't turn to the One who has led me here, I'm going to wilt.  If I sit in His light, I will blossom and grow and the colors of my petals will be vivid and extraordinary.

Road Less Traveled

This week on Wishcasting Wednesday we are asked a seemingly simple question:


What do you wish to know?


There are so many things I wish to know.  I think the biggest one on my mind right now is how to take the high road.  How do I be the bigger person?  Because I truly wish to,  but avoidance isn't going to do any good....  and I'm afraid if I encounter a certain person today then I will for sure not be able to take the road less traveled. So how do I handle a sticky situation with poise and grace?

I guess if we all could figure that out, the world would be a much more peaceful place to live.

The Goal of our Faith

1 Peter 1:8-9

"Although you have not seen him you love him; even though you do not see him now yet believe in him, you rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy, as you attain the goal of [your] faith, the salvation of your souls."


The goal of our faith, the salvation of our soul.

We have faith, and we believe, and there is a purpose.  It is not to throw it in others faces or to condemn.  It is not to induce judgement or to be boastful.  Our faith is not intended to give us an air of superiority.

Our faith, its sole purpose, is the salvation of our souls.  To grow closer to Christ now so that we may live with Him eternally.  So that we may love one another now so that we can soak in God's love in Heaven.  To glorify Him in all that we do so that we may one day see first hand His amazing glory.

This is the goal:  The salvation of our souls.

Goals and Deadlines

I have learned that without specific goals I get nowhere.  Not only do I need goals, but deadlines are helpful.  I guess that's procrastination at its finest.  So, I'm trying to set definite goals.  Like blogging every day to help my creativity flow.  So, here I am, blogging so that maybe I can let out some of the creative tension that's starting to build up inside my soul.  I can tell this is happening because Husband has looked at me the past two nights and said, "Have you blogged lately?"  He knows it's my creative outlet.  And he encourages it.  Makes me love him even more.

But, alas, I have drifted off topic.  Goals and deadlines.  Another goal that I am going to set for myself is that I write and article for Helium once a day.  Well, every weekday.  This way, even if they are of poor quality to begin with, they will hopefully grow as I write.  If I never feed my creativity, it will never grow...

It's a pretty hefty goal, but I believe I can do it!

Methodical Madness

So, here I am, up bright and early for a change.  And, can I tell a secret?  I kind of like it.  It's peaceful, tranquil, and it makes me think that I may actually have a productive day!  I laid in bed for an hour before I finally got up. All I could think about was all the projects I want to get accomplished today.  Starting with breakfast for Husband.  Of course, it's still too early to start that, and I had an itch to write.  Just simply write.  And seeing as I can't (or maybe don't want to) hunt down my journal, here is where I turn.

I just caught up on the blogs that I have neglected to read due to my absence from the blogging world...  and one of my favorites was my brother's.  I don't know why, but it really gave me a chuckle.  Well, if you knew my brother you would understand!  And, from it sprang a fun phrase for me to meditate on....  Methodical Madness.

Methodical Madness....  I think that is the order in which God lives by.  Everything on our end seems like madness, but for Him, oh there is definitely method behind it.  Like 9 + months of pregnancy, or meeting the man you're going to marry and then not dating for 4 years, or giving someone like me the responsibility of an entire youth program at a parish, or free will.....

The list could go on and on and on.  And as I look back on what I just wrote, a lot of them are ways in which I think God is teaching me patience.  I really wish Husband would stop praying for that.  ;)  The point (if there is one) is that what is on the outside, the nuttshell, if you will, is only harvesting something much much bigger and better, the fruit or the nutt of life...
All the things we see that we can't find a reason to, well, it's there, we just may never know what it is.


Hmmm  I wonder if that analogy will make any sense when I come back and read that tomorrow....

Here's to a day filled with blessings and love.  And productivity.

Story of Humanity

It's Wishcasting Wednesday!  I'm trying to get back in the habit of writing regularly, so I figured that even though it's late on Wednesday, I should still participate.  And what a week to get back in the saddle.  Here is this week's question:

What story do you wish to live or let go of?

Where does a person start with that question?  It has so many levels and depths to it, just reading the question.  And as I sit here and think about it, I don't know which layer to reveal.  I think for tonight, both the living and the letting go take me to my ministry.  I don't like to refer to it as a job, because it is so much more than that.  If it was only a job I would have quit a long time ago.

So the living  part...
I want to live the story of a disciple.  Maybe the story of St. Peter who was out fishing all day and caught nothing and had the guts to listen to a man who told him to cast the net on the other side.  And low and behold, he caught so many fish that his net busted.  To have that faith.  To just follow that man with no strings attached, that's the story I want to live.  Or maybe the story of the woman, known as a sinner, who showed up and washed Jesus' feet with her hair and perfume and didn't care what other people thought.  She knew who she was, and she knew who Jesus was, and she acted and lived on that.  THAT is the story I want to live.  I want to live as a person of faith, as a person who continually tries to show other people the faith, as a person madly in love with my Creator, and letting that love shine.

Actually trying to live that story is another matter, but that's where the letting go comes in.  The story I want to let go of, I want to let go of my humanity.  I want the divine to shine through.  Although impossible, that's what I would like to let go of.  Of course, I think that's why we even need faith.  It helps us to reconcile our humanity to the divine.  It allows us to experience the divine why we are stuck in these mortal bodies, to go beyond the realms of this world, to realize that through our humanity we get to encounter the divine.  And there, I have talked that into a complete circle.  Maybe I don't need to let go of my humanity, but embrace it.  To love it and to acknowledge that with my humanity I get to experience the divine.

So, there's my wish for this week.

To live the story of a broken soul slowly learning to accept my humanity to encounter my God.

Wishcasting Wednesday: SHINE

Today is Wishcasting Wednesday.  =)  A day in which a question is posed, and some days difficult to answer.  Today was one of those days.  I read the question this morning, and for some reason it took all day to figure out.  And the only answer I have is this song by DC Talk, it came on the radio today, and it is EXACTLY how I feel today:  I WANT TO SHINE LIKE THE STARS IN THE HEAVEN.


iN THE LIGHT
DC Talk


I keep trying to find a life
On my own, apart from You
I am the king of excuses
I've got one for every selfish thing I do

What's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior

(chorus)
I wanna be in the Light
As You are in the Light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh, Lord be my Light and be my salvation
Cause all I want is to be in the Light
All I want is to be in the Light

The disease of self runs through my blood
It's a cancer fatal to my soul
Every attempt on my behalf has failed
To bring this sickness under control

Tell me, what's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior

(repeat chorus)

Honesty becomes me
[There's nothing left to lose]
The secrets that did run me
[In Your presence are defused]
Pride has no position
[And riches have no worth]
The fame that once did cover me
[Has been sentenced to this Earth]
Has been sentenced to this Earth

Tell me, what's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior

(repeat chorus 2x)

[There's no other place that I want to be]
[No other place that I can see]
[A place to be that's just right]
[Someday I'm gonna be in the Light]
[You are in the Light]
[That's where I need to be]
[That's right where I need to be]

Growing in 2010

2010 is here.  Life is flying by, but it's amazing.  And here I am at a loss for words because I just don't know where to start.  So much has gone on in the past few weeks, spiritual growth, growth in family, in my faith in people.  Faith in myself.  


So maybe I should start with my goal of being Intentionally Passionate as the year progresses.  I haven't been as good at focusing on that as I could be, however, I do find myself applying more of myself to the different aspects in life.  I want the kids in Levelland, particularly those at St. Michael's to know the love of Jesus in ways that they never could have imagined.  And yet, I hold myself back.  However, I want you all to know that this is changing.  My priest got a hold of me during a meeting and really made me realize that I can do so much more.  And he gave me total permission and support to do whatever needs to happen within the youth to help them grow and fall in love with their faith.  So, God has heard my voice in wanting to be more intentional, more passionate and He is giving me no choice but to step up and act on it.  How good is our God?  I'm not saying it's going to be easier, in fact, I have this constant inner turmoil going on in which I'm battling the lazy out of my bones.  Seriously.  I just want to sit and do nothing, but how is that building up the Kingdom?  Yeah, it doesn't, so here's to 2010 and a year of passionate explorations into the unknowns that I've been too scared to dive into.  Here's to learning how to make things happen.  Here's to growing in love and in faith.  

Intentionally Passionate

It's Wishcasting Wednesday!!!   Jamie asks us this week:

 What do you wish to give?


Holy Cows.  I wish to give myself fully and completely to those around me.  To my husband, to my youth, to my friends, to my family, and mostly to the God who created me.  I feel like lately I have been slacking in every area of my life. Only half-present at any point in time.  Yes, I am definitely ready for Christmas break, and yes, I am exhausted from an incredibly busy, but amazing month with the youth group, but those are not excuses to not not live fully.  To not give myself fully.

One of my dearest friends posted on her blog recently about living genuinley bold.  It challenged me to figure out how I wanted to live my life for the next year, and beyond I hope.  So, I've chosen to be Intentionally Passionate.  Meaning, everyday I want to be passionate about what I'm doing, living in the now.  Giving myself completely.  Being intentional within that passion, directing it to where it needs to go.  To the person, or people, to the project, and all of it, hopefully, being directed to our God.

That is my wish.  To give myself completely through my intentional passion.

Peace for the Soul

My spirit wishes for peace.  A peace about what to do next in my job, for my family, for myself.  My spirit wishes to be motivated as to actually get something done.  If only it were easier to discern what to do next in life.  Maybe I could somehow find a tin can and string it to one in Heaven so God can directly tell me....  That would be amazing!

Wishcasting Wednesday

Progress, Not Perfection

I'm learning many life lessons all at once. Which is good, I guess. The most important one is coming from my newest quest to finish a class by book called "The Artist's Way". This is a book written by a woman who teaches people how to unlock their creative genius. So far, I'm very hooked, but already it's teaching me a lot about myself. One thing that stuck out to me in this current week's lesson is that we should strive for progress, not perfection.

So many times I've let my lack of what I think I should be hold me back. Especially in my job. I am so hard on myself when it comes to doing new things in my ministry. I hold the program back from so many things that would be fantastic for my kids if I would stop being so afraid of failing. I think to myself so often, I wouldn't be able to get kids there if I even tried, or that won't work, or that's too much work to do, or no one will help me even if I asked.

Of course, all these things are so far from the truth, and I continue to believe them. So, my challenge to myself is to step up and push past the fear factor. To actually give us all the opportunity to grow continually in our walk with Christ. To let go of what I think I can't do and allow myself to surprise myself.

Which reminds me, we have a retreat coming up this weekend. Please pray that it goes well and that I can overcome the nerves of hosting something that is seemingly out of my league. Because even if things don't go as smoothly as I want them to, I am progressing in the ministry and doing something I haven't done before. And that is a victory in and of itself!

In the Light

Sometimes when I do a lesson for my kids, I get more out of it than they do I think. I've been meditating the past couple of days on the lesson we just went over tonight. The night was on technology and how we should use it for the good of the world and not abuse it or use it for evil. But that's not really the part that got me. It was this quote by Mother Teresa:

"Words which do not give the light of Christ increase the darkness."

Man, if we are not giving Christ the glory in everything we say and do, then we are increasing the darkness. How often do I say stupid things that are definitely not glorifying the Lord? How often do I do stupid things that take away from what really matters in life?

If we look at the big picture, does what we do in life really matter in terms of eternity, or are we adding to the darkness?

"Live as children of light, for light produces every kind of goodness and righteousness and truth. Try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the fruitless works of darkness."

- Ephesians 5:8-11

Many beginnings...

These are the beginnings of posts from the past few days. When I went back to edit them, I found them slightly amusing and thought I would share...

Tonight's (it actually has an end)

I have been sitting here wondering what will come next in the blogging world. So many thoughts pop into my head, and yet, not one of them will form itself into actual words. Maybe it's because I'm so exhausted from doing absolutely nothing today. Actually, that's not true, but even before I did anything, I was exhausted. We had a doctor's appointment today, and apparently our little fetus is growing 'perfectly'. Praise God. Let's just hope it stays that way. The little guy (or girl) is definitely strong. It bumps in my belly very often. In fact, last night Wade had a gig and I swear, it was dancing. It's going to be another musician. =) I'm strangely okay with that. So, Baby Nutt is growing strong and healthy and maybe that's why this Nutt is so tired. But, I guess taking part in creation in such an intimate way will take all the energy. Maybe I will have to write more on this amazing experience, but for now sleep is going to win the battle raging in my eyelids....

Humanity (from sometime earlier today)

Every day I get fed up with my own humanity. I want so badly to rid myself of this disease we were all born with. For example, every day I wake up thinking to myself, "Today I will be more productive. Today I will actually accomplish something. Today I will spend more time in prayer." Does any of it happen? Not very often. I'm tired of being tired and I'm tired of the excuse of being tired. Maybe one day I will wake up and actually finish a to-do list, or spend time the time I need to in prayer. Maybe I'll learn that I'm human and that that is okay. But for now, I think I'll just take a nap....

Fetus Mishaps (earlier this week)

I'm not quite sure what to blog about next, but I've been obsessed with writing a new ever since I posted the last one. Life is crazy, and this tiny fetus, well it's not very tiny these days, but it does make life impossible from time to time. I can only imagine what happens when it upgrades to baby status. I told Wade today that pregnant body just kicks my butt some days. Today I had to run an errand to help out one of my Goddaughters. Yes, I've started a collection of them. Anyway, I was hungry, so I decided to stop by Sonic and grab a snack before lunch. Because, seriously, all I want to do is eat most days. So, I decided on a healthy choice of mozzarella sticks and a cherry limeade. I know, not the greatest thing ever, but still, it was good. For about 45 minutes. And then I was sitting in my office and I had what Wade calls 'instant vomit'. Yes, appetizing, I know. At least I have my own little bathroom off of my office. So, needless to say, my day has been shot. I've slept all afternoon and haven't eaten anything but animal crackers, and those haven't even settled yet. Oh, goodness, the little one needs to hurry and grow. Grow so I can birth it. So I can be exhausted and sick in an entirely different way.... And yet, all I can think is that it is worth it. All the crap of pregnancy is worth it to feel the tiny feet waking me up too early, and way worth it to see the look of amazement on my husband's face when he felt the tiny bumps for the first time. Yes, friends. It is well worth every puking minute.

Soul Expression

Upon reflection of life, I've realized that I have no solid way of expressing my soul. I have a soul, it grows and changes, and slowly is becoming what it's meant to be. But, how does a person express it to the world? Whether anyone else actually seizes the opportunity to see what your soul is all about, there is solace in expressing it.

My wonderful husband is a brilliant musician and quite often comes home with a new song he has written, usually

better than his last. I love it. It's a glimpse inside of him I wouldn't otherwise have. Most of the time his songs are inspired by his latest spiritual reflections and revelations

. And through his music, he is encouraging others to grow spiritually and become who they are supposed to be. In his music, he takes the rest of us to a different, almost better world.

In his music, he allows us to see the beauty in life. Something that can be a very difficult thing to see at times.

And then, there's this woman in my life, one that I have always cherished my time with. My grandmother. My Grannie is one of

the most amazing artists I've ever met. She can paint the most

wonderful, vivid watercolors. My favorite painting that she's

done is my great grandmother at one of my

birthday tea parties. Every year for my birthday, we would have a tea party, and every year my great grandma would show up in her big white hat and ginormous wooden beaded necklace. This painting Grannie did, well, she put on canvas my great grandma's soul. Her very essence. It's a profile shot and she's in her tea outfit. Laughing. Pure joy is actually radiating from the painting. There will be fights over that painting for sure. Within her paintings, my grannie shows the love she

has for family, the faith she has in God, and the beauty of her soul.

Don't let me forget to tell you about another special woman.

One that has just recently showed up in my life. One that shines without even trying. One that after one phone call, I wanted to be her best friend (and yes, I'm aware that everyone who talks to her for

5 seconds feels the same way.) My wedding photographer, Chriselda. She can capture in a lens the beauty of another

person's soul, the love between two souls, the innocence of a

child, and whatever else she's trying to capture. And in that, the woman expresses herself in ways that I wish I could. She loves each and every person she has ever had a camera in front of. She has a captivating personality, that even though I've met her only twice in person, I feel like she's one of my closest friends. Because, in her photo blogs (www.chriseldaphotography.com), her soul radiates and becomes a magnet for anyone who even takes a glimpse at the page.

There are so many more people in my life that are able to express their inner-most being without necessarily even realizing it. I've tried music. Let's just say, I'm praying our children get Wade's talent in that aspect. I've tried being artistic, and in some ways I can be, but I definitely cannot take a blank canvas and create magic.

Thus, my quest begins.

I've decided that I should at leasts begin writing something somewhere other than my journal. Somewhere where it takes a bit of a risk to put my thoughts down. Somewhere that my childhood dream of being a writer can slowly start to shape itself, even if it is only on a small website and the chances of people reading are slim to none. Even if it means people think I'm more crazy than they originally thought (if that's even possible). Even if what you and I find out about me is scary or weird or not worth finding out about at all.

It's worth it to try a new adventure. To see if this may be the avenue in which my soul will release itself. To maybe allow people to see what I've been to much of a wuss to show....