Busy December, In a Good Way

There has been so much that has happened in the past two weeks, which explains my absence from the blogging world.  All the way from actually completing my stockings to a visit to the convent to hanging out for a week in Indiana.  All of them have been fantastic, all of them include fantastic pictures, and all of them will have to be a seperate blog on their own....  Next week.  When the holidays are simmered down.  And life returns to 'normal'. 

But right now I am immensely enjoying being around my family, eating way too much, staying up way too late, and having way too much fun!  There is nothing like a great Christmas with a great family and a fantastic husband.  =)  The best part is, we get to see the other side of the family this coming weekend.  I'm beginning to forget what my house looks like....

Intentionally Passionate

It's Wishcasting Wednesday!!!   Jamie asks us this week:

 What do you wish to give?


Holy Cows.  I wish to give myself fully and completely to those around me.  To my husband, to my youth, to my friends, to my family, and mostly to the God who created me.  I feel like lately I have been slacking in every area of my life. Only half-present at any point in time.  Yes, I am definitely ready for Christmas break, and yes, I am exhausted from an incredibly busy, but amazing month with the youth group, but those are not excuses to not not live fully.  To not give myself fully.

One of my dearest friends posted on her blog recently about living genuinley bold.  It challenged me to figure out how I wanted to live my life for the next year, and beyond I hope.  So, I've chosen to be Intentionally Passionate.  Meaning, everyday I want to be passionate about what I'm doing, living in the now.  Giving myself completely.  Being intentional within that passion, directing it to where it needs to go.  To the person, or people, to the project, and all of it, hopefully, being directed to our God.

That is my wish.  To give myself completely through my intentional passion.

Soul Expression 2

I just finished the movie Julie & Julia, and oh my goodness, it was amazing.  I felt like it spoke to the souls of every woman ever born.  Life is all about finding what we love, and letting our souls shine through that passion.  Allowing other people in, even if it's scary, or we don't think they will want to.  Because, once we open up in unimaginable ways, people are drawn in to the authenticity.  They are drawn in to the  raw and vulnerable.  Why is it that people want to be around real people, but it's so hard to drop the facade?  Julie & Julia, both women, in very different time periods were able to open up, and through that they helped other women do the same thing.  I love true stories about authentic people.

And, of course, I have to mention that these two women in the movie would not have been able to accomplish what they did without the loving support of their husbands.  It's often said that behind every good man is a good woman, but really, that goes both ways.  I know for a fact that I would not be able to do anything well without my husband encouraging me the whole way.  From growing a fetus to making stockings (a good post for a later day, once they get finished.)  But, really, I guess that's what a marriage is supposed to be.  Both people finding or growing in their passion with the other one cheering them on the whole way.

I love when Julie's husband gives her the set of pearls.  He feeds her dream.  And that is what life should be about.

 Feeding our dreams.

Peace for the Soul

My spirit wishes for peace.  A peace about what to do next in my job, for my family, for myself.  My spirit wishes to be motivated as to actually get something done.  If only it were easier to discern what to do next in life.  Maybe I could somehow find a tin can and string it to one in Heaven so God can directly tell me....  That would be amazing!

Wishcasting Wednesday

Random Ramblings...

I survived the weekend!  Not only did I survive, but I'm very excited for my kids that got to come.  And I will continually pray for the ones that couldn't.  Watching kids encounter Christ is such an amazing experience.  I love seeing the light bulb come on for some of them, watching them realize that there is more to life than video games, sports, gossip, sex, drugs, all the stuff that hinders them from a healthy spiritual life.  Maybe the seeds are getting planted and one day they will take root.

A big thanks to the Texas Tech students who came out to put on the retreat.  It kind of made me want to go back to college.  Sort of.  =)  And then I look down at my growing belly and realize that this stage in life has it's own blessings and good times.  Almost more so.  Baby has been very active the past few days.  I guess it's a foreshadow of things to come.

And, my big brother took his firefighter certification test today!!!  Go Bradley!  We are proud of you!  Now move back to Texas!!!

Progress, Not Perfection

I'm learning many life lessons all at once. Which is good, I guess. The most important one is coming from my newest quest to finish a class by book called "The Artist's Way". This is a book written by a woman who teaches people how to unlock their creative genius. So far, I'm very hooked, but already it's teaching me a lot about myself. One thing that stuck out to me in this current week's lesson is that we should strive for progress, not perfection.

So many times I've let my lack of what I think I should be hold me back. Especially in my job. I am so hard on myself when it comes to doing new things in my ministry. I hold the program back from so many things that would be fantastic for my kids if I would stop being so afraid of failing. I think to myself so often, I wouldn't be able to get kids there if I even tried, or that won't work, or that's too much work to do, or no one will help me even if I asked.

Of course, all these things are so far from the truth, and I continue to believe them. So, my challenge to myself is to step up and push past the fear factor. To actually give us all the opportunity to grow continually in our walk with Christ. To let go of what I think I can't do and allow myself to surprise myself.

Which reminds me, we have a retreat coming up this weekend. Please pray that it goes well and that I can overcome the nerves of hosting something that is seemingly out of my league. Because even if things don't go as smoothly as I want them to, I am progressing in the ministry and doing something I haven't done before. And that is a victory in and of itself!

Spreading Love Blog by Blog

Three days ago I was given a blogger award. Seeing as I am new to the blogging world, I am quite flattered and the pressure is building on me to keep writing. Which is a very good thing. My best friend from high school has given me this award because we are both on the same journey to unleash our inner childhood dream of writing. Of course, she is scores ahead of me, but maybe some day I will catch up to her. Alisha and I have been through many life-altering events together. Things like senior prom and the high school basketball team all the way to college and marriages and now she is one of my biggest advisors through pregnancy. Thanks, soul twin, for this award and for the encouragement to follow this crazy dream.

So now that this wonderful award has been bestowed on me, I must pass it on to five other bloggers and tell you 6 things you may not know about me. Bare with me because neither one of those will be an easy task for me to fulfill. But that is why it has taken me so many days to finish this assignment. ;)

1. I have a deaf dog. My husband and I love to take advantage of this fact. Hide and seek is fun with the dog, so is walking in the house and getting so many things done without her knowing we're home. And, we love to scare her. It may sound mean, but she just wags her butt at us every time we get her.

2. I am a Catholic youth minister and I love it. Most days. It can get difficult, but that's when I know I'm in the right job.

3. I am madly in love with my husband and I have been since the day I met him. It took us almost four years to get married due to the journeys we decided to take in life, but the wait was well worth it.

4. My whole life I've wanted to be married and have babies. And now that I'm about to have a baby, I'm scared to death. Which is a pretty common emotion to have, I hear, but still it's crazy to think that my whole identity is soon to change once again.

5. I'm such a nerd that a good day off of work to me means that I can finish a whole book from beginning to end without ever having to put it down.

6. I am newly obsessed with taking pictures. Maybe along with writing random stuff from time to time, photography can become a pseudo hobby and one day I can change the world through it.

As for other bloggers, I will get back to you at a later date. No worries, it won't be a way later date, next week. Mostly because I'm going to have to do some research to find some great blogs!!!!

In the Light

Sometimes when I do a lesson for my kids, I get more out of it than they do I think. I've been meditating the past couple of days on the lesson we just went over tonight. The night was on technology and how we should use it for the good of the world and not abuse it or use it for evil. But that's not really the part that got me. It was this quote by Mother Teresa:

"Words which do not give the light of Christ increase the darkness."

Man, if we are not giving Christ the glory in everything we say and do, then we are increasing the darkness. How often do I say stupid things that are definitely not glorifying the Lord? How often do I do stupid things that take away from what really matters in life?

If we look at the big picture, does what we do in life really matter in terms of eternity, or are we adding to the darkness?

"Live as children of light, for light produces every kind of goodness and righteousness and truth. Try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the fruitless works of darkness."

- Ephesians 5:8-11

Popcorn and M&M's

Somethings in life can make you happy no matter what kind of day you're having. Whether you are exhausted from work or a bird pooped on your head or your car died, there are a list of things that make it all better:

Coming home to the love of your life

Cuddling with the love of your life

A greeting from your dog who can somehow bend herself in half at your site

Downing two bags of popcorn coupled with M&Ms

Watching a girl movie you've seen over and over and over

Feeling the kick of life within you

Coloring in a giant coloring book with Crayola crayons

The smell of fresh rain

An entire pot of macaroni smothered in large amounts of Velveeta

Sleeping in

A really good book

A really good bar of chocolate

Holidays with families

Beating your spouse at numerous card/board games

A big cup of hot chocolate with gigantic puffy marshmallows

A phone call from a friend you haven't talked to in ages

A piece of mail that isn't junk or bills

Dancing

A blue jay outside your window

A really long afternoon nap

Baking a cake

Eating said cake

Fresh brownies out of the oven with butter melted on top and milk in a frozen mug

Pretending there aren't calories in any of the afore mentioned food items

Laughing at something stupid until your sides hurt

A stroll through the library

And most importantly, love... love of all things... love of life... love of others

These are a few of my favorite things.

What are some of yours?

Many beginnings...

These are the beginnings of posts from the past few days. When I went back to edit them, I found them slightly amusing and thought I would share...

Tonight's (it actually has an end)

I have been sitting here wondering what will come next in the blogging world. So many thoughts pop into my head, and yet, not one of them will form itself into actual words. Maybe it's because I'm so exhausted from doing absolutely nothing today. Actually, that's not true, but even before I did anything, I was exhausted. We had a doctor's appointment today, and apparently our little fetus is growing 'perfectly'. Praise God. Let's just hope it stays that way. The little guy (or girl) is definitely strong. It bumps in my belly very often. In fact, last night Wade had a gig and I swear, it was dancing. It's going to be another musician. =) I'm strangely okay with that. So, Baby Nutt is growing strong and healthy and maybe that's why this Nutt is so tired. But, I guess taking part in creation in such an intimate way will take all the energy. Maybe I will have to write more on this amazing experience, but for now sleep is going to win the battle raging in my eyelids....

Humanity (from sometime earlier today)

Every day I get fed up with my own humanity. I want so badly to rid myself of this disease we were all born with. For example, every day I wake up thinking to myself, "Today I will be more productive. Today I will actually accomplish something. Today I will spend more time in prayer." Does any of it happen? Not very often. I'm tired of being tired and I'm tired of the excuse of being tired. Maybe one day I will wake up and actually finish a to-do list, or spend time the time I need to in prayer. Maybe I'll learn that I'm human and that that is okay. But for now, I think I'll just take a nap....

Fetus Mishaps (earlier this week)

I'm not quite sure what to blog about next, but I've been obsessed with writing a new ever since I posted the last one. Life is crazy, and this tiny fetus, well it's not very tiny these days, but it does make life impossible from time to time. I can only imagine what happens when it upgrades to baby status. I told Wade today that pregnant body just kicks my butt some days. Today I had to run an errand to help out one of my Goddaughters. Yes, I've started a collection of them. Anyway, I was hungry, so I decided to stop by Sonic and grab a snack before lunch. Because, seriously, all I want to do is eat most days. So, I decided on a healthy choice of mozzarella sticks and a cherry limeade. I know, not the greatest thing ever, but still, it was good. For about 45 minutes. And then I was sitting in my office and I had what Wade calls 'instant vomit'. Yes, appetizing, I know. At least I have my own little bathroom off of my office. So, needless to say, my day has been shot. I've slept all afternoon and haven't eaten anything but animal crackers, and those haven't even settled yet. Oh, goodness, the little one needs to hurry and grow. Grow so I can birth it. So I can be exhausted and sick in an entirely different way.... And yet, all I can think is that it is worth it. All the crap of pregnancy is worth it to feel the tiny feet waking me up too early, and way worth it to see the look of amazement on my husband's face when he felt the tiny bumps for the first time. Yes, friends. It is well worth every puking minute.

Soul Expression

Upon reflection of life, I've realized that I have no solid way of expressing my soul. I have a soul, it grows and changes, and slowly is becoming what it's meant to be. But, how does a person express it to the world? Whether anyone else actually seizes the opportunity to see what your soul is all about, there is solace in expressing it.

My wonderful husband is a brilliant musician and quite often comes home with a new song he has written, usually

better than his last. I love it. It's a glimpse inside of him I wouldn't otherwise have. Most of the time his songs are inspired by his latest spiritual reflections and revelations

. And through his music, he is encouraging others to grow spiritually and become who they are supposed to be. In his music, he takes the rest of us to a different, almost better world.

In his music, he allows us to see the beauty in life. Something that can be a very difficult thing to see at times.

And then, there's this woman in my life, one that I have always cherished my time with. My grandmother. My Grannie is one of

the most amazing artists I've ever met. She can paint the most

wonderful, vivid watercolors. My favorite painting that she's

done is my great grandmother at one of my

birthday tea parties. Every year for my birthday, we would have a tea party, and every year my great grandma would show up in her big white hat and ginormous wooden beaded necklace. This painting Grannie did, well, she put on canvas my great grandma's soul. Her very essence. It's a profile shot and she's in her tea outfit. Laughing. Pure joy is actually radiating from the painting. There will be fights over that painting for sure. Within her paintings, my grannie shows the love she

has for family, the faith she has in God, and the beauty of her soul.

Don't let me forget to tell you about another special woman.

One that has just recently showed up in my life. One that shines without even trying. One that after one phone call, I wanted to be her best friend (and yes, I'm aware that everyone who talks to her for

5 seconds feels the same way.) My wedding photographer, Chriselda. She can capture in a lens the beauty of another

person's soul, the love between two souls, the innocence of a

child, and whatever else she's trying to capture. And in that, the woman expresses herself in ways that I wish I could. She loves each and every person she has ever had a camera in front of. She has a captivating personality, that even though I've met her only twice in person, I feel like she's one of my closest friends. Because, in her photo blogs (www.chriseldaphotography.com), her soul radiates and becomes a magnet for anyone who even takes a glimpse at the page.

There are so many more people in my life that are able to express their inner-most being without necessarily even realizing it. I've tried music. Let's just say, I'm praying our children get Wade's talent in that aspect. I've tried being artistic, and in some ways I can be, but I definitely cannot take a blank canvas and create magic.

Thus, my quest begins.

I've decided that I should at leasts begin writing something somewhere other than my journal. Somewhere where it takes a bit of a risk to put my thoughts down. Somewhere that my childhood dream of being a writer can slowly start to shape itself, even if it is only on a small website and the chances of people reading are slim to none. Even if it means people think I'm more crazy than they originally thought (if that's even possible). Even if what you and I find out about me is scary or weird or not worth finding out about at all.

It's worth it to try a new adventure. To see if this may be the avenue in which my soul will release itself. To maybe allow people to see what I've been to much of a wuss to show....